Using your lungs as a sex organ
Breathing may seem like one of the bodily processes that just happens in the background during sex and arousal. But unlike, say, digestion, you can control your breath. With a little focused attention, breathing becomes a dial that can boost our sexual pleasure. And it's been there the whole time!
When you pay attention to your breath, you become less stressed and more aware of your body, its movements and the sensations that affect it. Guess what that heightened awareness can bring? Oh yes: greater pleasure and intimacy. You don't even have to breathe a special way. Just focusing on it seems to be the key (though having a special way can really help you stay focused on it!).
“I try to focus on my breathing during sex because it clears my head from anything else. (Did I pay that bill? Is my pubic hair tickling him? Did I remember to wear deodorant?)”
Once you're aware of your breathing, you can change it up during sex or masturbation. Shifting from one rhythm to a very different one can have major physical affects on pleasure. The chart below shows when people time breathing changes to get different pleasure effects.
“When I'm having sex and I feel like I’m kind of at a plateau to reach my orgasm, that's when I reset, tell my partner to slow down, and start deep breathing and playing with my clit at the same time. Then it feels like a fresh start toward coming.”
Over and over, women told us that a full, relaxing exhale during orgasm makes for a more satisfying release. It's as if all the built up air and tension before the orgasm was expanding a balloon of pleasure and a giant exhale makes the release longer and more pleasurable.
Samantha
“Sipping and Full Exhale”
People often have a natural tendency to breathe harder when aroused. Slowing down can be difficult, but worth it.
“Slow breathing helps me stop thinking and stop worrying about reaching orgasm in a way it relaxes me and makes the pleasure more calm and soothing.”
Amelia
“Bedtime melt”
While some use breathing to get to orgasm faster, many use it to prevent orgasm. Why? Because approaching orgasm and pulling back over and over can build to a bigger orgasm. (See more approaches in Edging)
Julia
“Pushing off my orgasm”
“If I want to prolong my orgasm I take slow deep breaths when I start to feel the sensation of an orgasm coming on so that way I can feel every step of the pleasure process.”
Stick with us on this…mimicking an out-of-breath state can get our bodies into a state of expecting—and then feeling— more pleasure. It’s a “fake it ‘til you make it” kinda situation.
“I make my mouth the shape of an “O” and inhale and exhale very short breaths to trick my body into thinking it’s exhausted and somehow that makes the feeling more intense.”
Jess
“My way of restricting”
“When our sex is at its best, we both get carried away together, not separately. And one way we get that is keeping our breathing in the same rhythm.”
“Breathing together makes it feel more like we’re one body going through an experience together.”
Tandem Breathing
Inverse Breathing
Couples have discovered some really brilliant ways to use breathing for better intimacy and more pleasure:
“Our biggest issue was that my partner would ramp up into sex before I was ready. He said he didn’t intend to go faster than I wanted, he’d just get carried away. But when we breathe in synch, we can stay united in our pace without me having to remind him to slow down, which is so much better for me. The breath pace is a continous signal to him where I’m at.”
“Whenever my partner or I forgets to breathe in synch, instead of saying ‘Hey bozo, remember to keep breathing with me,’ one of us says, ‘Come back to me, love.’ That really works for us.”
“We do this exercise where we sit in front of one another and just breathe together without even touching yet. We feel our sense of touch heighten and can feel the air against our skin. And slowly we start adding touch, first barely touching our lips, then barely touching faces, then putting our hands together. It builds up the sexual energy and sometimes it ends in stimulation, sometimes we just go to sleep and leave that heavy connected feeling in the air. But regardless, it's another world.”
“When my partner is pleasuring me, I can lose focus and get anxious. But when they’re breathing with me, I feel more comfortable, like they’re doing something with me, not to me.”
